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Asses, the lot of them

Radio silence was key for me after Tuesday. I needed a solid 24+ hours to reflect on what had just happened. I searched my soul and came up with a good answer that I’m happy with … They’re asses, the lot of them.

This team is a bunch of asses … 

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This team too is a bunch of asses … 

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And these coaches … 

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The outlaws are asses … 

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And this sorry group of TRIste fans too …

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Oh, and the Honduras team is a bunch of asses since they couldn’t win … 

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And, yeah, Panama too because they played just* well enough to tie. Asses, the lot of them!

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PHOTOS: Top shots are from the USA v Mexico World Cup qualifier on Tuesday, Sept. 10 at Columbus, Ohio. The bottom two are from the Honduras v Panama game. Panama came back to tie 2-2, earning one point and bumping Mexico to fifth place in the CONCACAF qualifiers. The top 3 automatically advance and the 4th place team must play against New Zealand for a spot.

Greece’s tramp-stamp of approval

Just last week, I was railing against the FIFA man (as I’m prone to do) for its dilapidated, anachronistic way of ranking national teams. As a person of Mexican descent, I’m fiercely proud and possessive of the soccer team.

Look. No puedo tapar el sol con un dedo. Let’s put the cards on the table. It’s a terrible economy. Poverty and corruption have run amok. Drug lords rule with intimidation and grisly violence. And, the cherry on top, un BEEP HIJO DE LA BEEP BEEEEEEP is going to lead the country for the next six years. So yeah, I take out all my frustrations on FIFA for not recognizing one of Mexico’s current bright, shiny spots.

But I was too harsh…

Part of my rant included laying out the English and Greeks. I won’t apologize for the English, but the Greeks certainly didn’t deserve it. And, more so, now that I’ve learned of the clever revenue sources for their soccer teams—Prostitutes!

They’re plucky! And, they’re in dire straits. Worse even than Mexico right now. Who am I to disparage their one bright, shiny spot? A Top 10 ranking on the national stage is like the sun on a cloudy day.

I take it back, Greece. Meant no offense. I tip my pimp hat to you and your lady-of-the-night uniform tramp stamps. ¡OPA!

PHOTOS: Just can’t blot out the sun. And the “Villa Erotica” tramp-stamp of approval on a Greek soccer jersey.

The heavy punches of Mexican soccer


This is a jab – jab – uppercut of Mexican national soccer news. Mainly because I’ve been lazy and continuing my MIA phoning-it-in session.

FIFA is starting to make amends with me. In September, they had the gall to place Mexico out of the top 20. For October, after two World Cup qualifying wins against Costa Rica, they have reinstated the tricolores in the top 20. We’re now, according to FIFA, #19. *shouldershrug* I still think the big European bureaucracy is operating from a deficit model. If it’s not European (or to a larger extent, South American), it’s not good football.

How else to explain England at no. 5, Greece at #10 (who played against 110th ranked Lithuania)??

Because of Mexico’s wins against Costa Rica, they’re assured advancing to the next round of CONCACAF’s World Cup qualification. And so we were more than accommodating when Guyana wanted to change their “home” game to a “neutral” site — Texas. I don’t know/care for the rationale that led Guyana to choose Texas as a neutral site when the USMNT struggles to find home-field advantage at times against Mexico.

That’s beside the point. I’m sure the drubbing that occurred Friday night would have happened in any location.

Mexico delivered a late-round TKO. After a frustrating 77 minutes of attack-after-scoreless-attack, the ball finally found the back of the net, thanks to Andres Guardado. What followed was a flurry of five goals in eight minutes. Once again, because that bears repeating, that’s FIVE goals in EIGHT minutes. That’s an average of a goal every minute and 36 seconds.

Of course, one of them was an own goal by Guyana. But that shit’s bound to happen when the action is perpetually parked in front of your goal.

Next up, Mexico enters the ring with El Salvador on Tuesday. Will it be another 10 rounds? Will Mexico land some punches early on? Will it get caught on the ropes? Will I stop making boxing references? I think so.

PHOTO: Guyana knocked out! skadoosh