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Chicharito is really a Targaryen

Little Pea Hernandez has the skill to score with most any part of his body. But as this weekend’s contest proved, his new nickname should be Targaryen Hernandez — Targaryen-andez! What???! Shut up! I just crushed it with that!

In the final game of Confederations group stage, Mexico and Japan played for pride. Both went into the third game with zero points and zero chance of advancing. Thanks to great skills and ball movement from the rest of the team (I’m looking at you, Gio!), Chicharito was able to score twice for Mexico. (We’ll just ignore how he failed to convert a penalty and its rebound.) Both those goals were genius headers.



Chicharito’s head is pure gold. You know who else has a golden head?


Yep, that jackass. But we all know that he doesn’t make it, and Dani tells us why. Chicharito has survived the molten gold and proved himself a true dragon. Make room. There’s a Targaryen-andez lurking on this world.

For those who want to relive a great Game of Thrones scene from Season 1

PHOTOS: Javier/Chicharito/Targaryen-andez Hernandez scores in Saturday’s 2-1 victory over Japan. And Viserys Targaryen gets crowned.


Hexagonal resource: Mexico trading cards

Today is the official start to the CONCACAF Hexagonal — the Road to Brazil 2014. The six regional teams are all facing each other over the course of the year in their qualifying run toward the World Cup.

February 6 Matches

Honduras – United States
Panama – Costa Rica
Mexico – Jamaica

Unless you’ve been following every single move the Mexican teams have been making these last few months, today’s game will offer some familiar and newbie faces. Well-known players include CHICHARITO, Giovani DOS SANTOS, Andrés GUARDADO, Maza RODRIGUEZ, Aldo DE NIGRIS, and Carlos SALCIDO. Of course, my boy Chuy CORONA will also be keeping riff raff out of Azteca’s nets.

But the squad that’s playing Jamaica also includes a ton of young blood that has been called up to the main team. There are handful of U23 players who debuted during 2011 Copa America (and some who were suspended during the prostitution robbery mess). Plus, some members were part of the winning squad during the 2011 Pan American Games, and 2012 Toulon Tournament. And, by my count, there are nine Olympic gold medalists. I’m surprised they found room on this roster for Chicharito. What am I saying? There’s always room for Chicharito.

So here are my trading cards for four players. A few I know you’ve seen before and will likely see play today. Some may be brand new information. I’d do more, but who has that kind of time. Perhaps over the course of the games …


Age: 22
Plays for Villareal CF, Spain’s Segunda Division
Mexico: 2012 London Olympics, 2011 Pan American Games, 2011 Copa America


Age: 23
Plays for CF Monterrey, Liga MX
Mexico: 2012 London Olympics, 2011 Pan American Games, 2011 Copa America



Age: 23
Plays for Guadalajara, Liga MX
Mexico: 2012 London Olympics, 2012 Toulon Tournament, 2011 Copa America*



Age: 31
Plays for Tijuana Xoloitzcuincles de Caliente, Liga MX, Apertura champions
Mexico: Played 45 minutes during Jan. 30 friendly against Denmark

Chicharito transfer rumors: Good for me

By now the whole world knows that Chicharito is the odd man out in Manchester United. That team is stacked with talent and striking power and Chicharito hasn’t seen as many minutes (translate: scored as much) as he has in the past. Now with the acquisition of Golanda’s Robin van Persie, the transfer rumors heat up all over again.

It’s hard to hear transfer rumors circling one your favorites, especially after being with the club for so few years. I feel unappreciated. I feel overlooked. I feel like I’m wasting my best years keeping the bench seats warm. That’s how I feel. Who knows how Chicharito feels? Apparently, when he’s hanging with his Mexican friends, he could care less about Manchester United. Good for you, Javi!

It’s particularly painful for me because of how Hollywood-perfect his story of ascension was. Many years ago, pre South Africa, scouts had seen Chicharito play for the Chivas of Guadalajara. He impressed them much. Obvio. But they wanted to wait to make a move on him because he was still chavito. And then the epiphany landed. Dude, what if this guy goes to the World Cup and has a break-out performance? (He did.) The deal was so secretive and so fast that no one really knew what had happened until Chicharito was filling out work waiver forms. He became the first Mexican at ManU and scored 20 goals that first year.

As much as I feel that Fergie is ungrateful. I actually welcome these rumors… anything that’ll put Chicharito on Real Madrid. It’ll make my life easier tracking him if he’s playing on my beloved team. It gets difficult keeping tabs on all your players, especially when they play in different leagues, different countries, different continents. To me, Chicharito and La Liga makes perfect sense. (Just not at Camp Nou!)

He can continue to impress the European clubs tonight as Mexico closes out its first stage of WCQ2014 with a game against El Salvador tonight, 6 p.m. PST

“Top” that!

What’s up with Chicharito? Have you heard?

I’ve been caught up in my own world of Champions League and La Liga play as of late. Manchester United has been out of the UEFA tournament for a few months and, well, they don’t play in the Spanish league. Obvi

…which is why I was surprised when the first news of Chicharito I heard was this mierda:
Should Chicharito still be considered the top Mexican player?

umm… Yeah!

The whole point of the article is that he hasn’t been performing as much this year as he did in his hot-out-the-gate season last year. Meanwhile, over at Real Sociedad, Carlos Vela (pictured above), on loan from Arsenal, has been spectacularly racking up goals. His latest was an overhead goal against Villareal. And if people weren’t paying attention to him before, this will surely put him on someone’s radar.

Vela has scored 11 goals this season, including five in the last five games. Chicharito has 12 goals*. *Caveat: counting all goals with team, not just league play.

I’m not betting grandma’s house on a one-goal differential. I’m just interested in figuring out what makes a “top” player. And why must there be just one? “The top Mexican player”? It really depends on what skills you value the most — goal-scoring capacity, speed, agility, acumen, confidence, sportsmanship, aerial acrobatics.

Look how high he jumps. He's only 5'8"

And how he scores with the back of his head, and still just 5'8"

On the homefront, I’ve finally upgraded my cable to a sports package that’s chock-full of soccer channels I longed for, but wasn’t subscribed to, and others I didn’t even know existed (yippee!). Armed with this, I’m going to conduct my own one-person survey, polled after watching both men’s next games. First up, Vela. Real Sociedad plays again Saturday. Then, on Monday, Manchester United goes against Manchester City. I’ll see who plays, who scores, who assists, who’s an overall playmaker.

Bias Disclosure Time: I like Chicharito. He might not do more than cheerlead from the seats and I’ll still give it to him. The point then? Oh yeah, watch good soccer. Obvi.

Happy Birthday, Chicharito!

Today, Chicharito turns the big 2-3. What do you get a guy that became the first Mexican to play for Manchester United…??? A guy who scored in his first World Cup appearance…??? Scored against Golden Glove-d Iker Casillas in a bicentennial game…??? Has won over ManU and named fan favorite of the year…???

Well, if your on the Mexican national squad, the best gift you can, and did, give your countryman was a W.

In the last friendly before the start of the Gold Cup, Mexico held its own against New Zealand. The final score was 3-0. That, however, does not tell the full story. It was not a 3-0 game. And no, it was not a much closer game. It actually should have been around 6-0.

Maybe more.

And that is not my Mexican pride taking this post on hyperbole road. I will flat-out blame TRI players for not converting those extra three (maybe four) goals. This was New Zealand (60th overall) after all, not Spain (1st).

Instead of a cake, the players gave Chicharito a much better gift–confidence going into this weekend. Here´s hoping it helps!

¡Felicidades, chicharito!

Here is a photo gallery of some snaps of this beloved futbolero