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Wave your flag right, cabron!

Everyone knows flags are part and parcel of soccer games. They’re right up there with jerseys, face paint and the wave (… unless you’re English …).

But god only knows how many freaking Mexicans keep waving the flag backwards??! Too damn many to count. That’s how many. Every TRI game I’ve been to or seen on TV has some idiot jumping up and down shaking/waving the flag the wrong way.

For fracks sake, the team is called el TRI, tricolor. Everyone knows the three colors are green, white and red. NOT red, white and green!

Please, mis mexicanos, quit embarrassing me and your mamas at home. When you spot the cameraman, make sure you’re holding the GREEN WITH RIGHT HAND.

Like so …

photo (1)

Not, like so …

photo

PHOTOS: From Thursday’s Gold Cup game between Mexico and Canada. Marco Fabian (10) and fans are celebrating a successful penalty shot.

A win for the Napoleon Complex

This weekend was Mexico’s last game of the year. All in all, clenbuterol scandal aside, 2011 was a very good year for El Tri. They won the Gold Cup and briefly broke into FIFA’s Top 10. Even the chamacos exhilarated with the performance of the summer, taking the U-17 World Cup trophy and sweeping boot honors.

The capstone of the year — thank god — was a 2-0 win against Serbia. Who cares about rankings or closing it our good years: It was more important to win for self-esteem issues: That game looked like some serious mofos (Serbs) versus a bunch of pipsqueaks pretending at professional play (Mexicans). I mean, just look at the photo above.

Serbia TOWERED over Mexican players. They threw farther than Mex kicked. They toyed with the little players and shoved them around the field. Need proof:  Just look for Chicharito’s grass stains. When Mexicans jumped, they barely reached Serb shoulder height.

Tallest Mexican at 6'2" still works for height advantage

I did a little research (off Soccernet and Wikipedia). After crunching the numbers, here are the highlights:

  • The tallest guy on the Mexican squad was captain Maza Rodriguez at 6’2″ (Maybe that’s why they made him captain, eh???)
  • The shortest guy for Mexico, who was a second-half substitute, was Sinha at 5’4″ (A long lost Little, maybe???)
  • Key players Guardado is 5’7″, Chicharito is 5’8″, Gio Dos Santos and Carlos Salcido are 5’9″
  • Mexican height average: 5’10” (I rounded up)
  • The SHORTEST guy on Serbian squad was TALLER than the Mexican average. (Milos Ninkovic is 5’11”. He’s also the only 5-footer in the opening lineup.)
  • Their tallest player should be in another sport. (Nikola Zigic is 6’7½” and should play basketball.)
  • Serbian height average: 6’2″ (I rounded down)

This win wasn’t just for Mexico, it was for all us who wish we were taller than we are and who tend to round up all the time (so yeah, I guess it was for Mexico). To festering Napoleon Complexes!!!

PHOTOS: AP

Mexico wins World Cup. Why the hell not?

Chícharito! You’ve just won your first Cup victory with El Tri, taken the MVP award and the golden boot to boot. What are you going to do now?

Maybe he won’t go to Disneyland… but he was in Southern California this weekend. It’s not a far detour.

Though he didn’t score any goals in the final match against the USA, he did score seven of Mexico’s 22 goals throughout the tournament.

Like he said in an Univision video (at 58 seconds): “Aquí lo que importa es que ganamos, aquí no importa quien meta los goles… al contrario, [importa] quien está ahí para poder apoyar ya sea dentro o fuera de la cancha.”

Translation: What matters here is that we won, not who scored the goals. On the contrary, what matters is who is there to be able to support either on or off the field.

Gold Cup is now in the rear view. On the horizon, Sub-17 World Cup, Women’s World Cup, Copa America and Brazil 2014. Yo Chícharito, do you think México will take that Big Cup?

¿y por qué no?

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The view from the bottom of American sports hierarchy

Yesterday, I traveled to visit a friend. I told him we could go wherever he wanted, but my one condition was that I needed to watch the Mexico/Costa Rica game.

We ended up at an “interesting” joint called Tilted Kilt, a place with dozens of televisions and two large screen projectors on both ends of the pub. A total of five t.v.s weren’t dedicated to the NBA Finals. I had to ask to get the game on one of them.

This photo completely captures the sporting hierarchy. HUGE basketball game and TINY little Gio Dos Santos. Nobody really cared that Mexico clobbered their former coach, embarrassed Costa Rica 4-1 and were the definitive winners in Group stage amassing a total 14 goals in three games.

Plus, the tv was so far away, I had to squint most of the time to see what was going on. Damn near-sightedness!! I missed half the goals too splitting my attention.Thank god for instant replays!

And then some idiots sat down at that empty table in front of the screen and changed my tiny t.v. Really?!! Dozens of televisions devoted to the playoffs and you needed that one too. Ridiculous.

We ended up getting a different tv changed back to the game. But, still… no respect.

Now that Dallas won, it might be a little easier to get pubs to give up a screen or two.

Another shot of our viewing selection:


PHOTOS: captured by my phone. Apologies for their crappy state.

NBA keeps stealing Mexico’s thunder

 

Who would you rather watch? A guy that hasn’t lived up the hype or a guy who surpassed it in the first 90 minutes of play??

I get that I live in a country where football needs a qualifying adjective for most people to understand me. I get that the NBA season is wrapping up  with two teams furiously battling it out with very little breathing room. And I get that one of those teams is the Miami Heat and all eyes are on LeBron and what he can do and what he hasn’t done in consecutive 4th quarters.

What I don’t get is a world que se empeña en atormentarme!

I am a basketball fan, to be sure. But nothing — not LeBron’s holy grail quest for a ring or Dirk’s — will trump my erratic, passionate, oblivious, fervent, zealous, TORMENTED regard for El Tri.

Apparently, the Powers That Be kept forcing me into a Sofia‘s choice: basketball playoffs or international soccer tourney.

ARGHH… I choose Gold Cup.

Every two years teams from North America and the Caribbean play for a shot at the Gold Cup. Mexico entered as a favorite and defending champion. It kicked off Sunday, June 5.

Mexico played against El Salvador in the second game that day. It started at 5 p.m. PST.

Oh, but guess what else was scheduled to start at that EXACT SAME TIME?? Game 3 — the one where Miami won by 2 points.

Fast forward a few days and Mexico is due to play its second group game. This time it’s against Cuba. What time did you say that was again? The EXACT SAME TIME as Game 5 — the one where Dallas finally pulled ahead and LeBron scored a whopping 2 points in the fourth quarter.

Not even the blaring headlines that preceded Mexico’s game were enough to turn a dedicated spotlight off the finals. Mexico played without five players  — including Memo Ochoa and Maza Rodriguez — because they tested positive for banned clenbuterol. The claim a la Contador is tainted meat. I’ll reserve judgment (sidenote: the players came to my UCLA today for further tests…fingers crossed)… but come on!!! No one that wasn’t already covering the game gave a flying F about this scandal!!

Whatever…

Mexico ended up beating up on the poor Cubans and won 5-0. For those not looking (and I assume that’s practically everyone), that’s two wins, six points, +10 goal differential and a top spot in Group A. And five goals for Chicharito. That includes a freaking hat trick in the first game!

This guy’s on fire. All eyes are on him and he has continued to impress. Is the same true of another?

Up next for Mexico is Costa Rica, the results of this tainted-beef defense, and the drama of continuing as a “heavy favorite” with a bare-bones roster. This is Must-See Stuff, people!

If you’re interested in watching, it’s really simple to remember. They play this Sunday at 5 p.m., aka the EXACT SAME TIME as the NBA’s all-or-nothing, last-chance for King James Game 6.

PHOTO: LeBron James vs. Chicharito faceoff

Happy Birthday, Chicharito!

Today, Chicharito turns the big 2-3. What do you get a guy that became the first Mexican to play for Manchester United…??? A guy who scored in his first World Cup appearance…??? Scored against Golden Glove-d Iker Casillas in a bicentennial game…??? Has won over ManU and named fan favorite of the year…???

Well, if your on the Mexican national squad, the best gift you can, and did, give your countryman was a W.

In the last friendly before the start of the Gold Cup, Mexico held its own against New Zealand. The final score was 3-0. That, however, does not tell the full story. It was not a 3-0 game. And no, it was not a much closer game. It actually should have been around 6-0.

Maybe more.

And that is not my Mexican pride taking this post on hyperbole road. I will flat-out blame TRI players for not converting those extra three (maybe four) goals. This was New Zealand (60th overall) after all, not Spain (1st).

Instead of a cake, the players gave Chicharito a much better gift–confidence going into this weekend. Here´s hoping it helps!

¡Felicidades, chicharito!

Here is a photo gallery of some snaps of this beloved futbolero