Category Archives: bowling
In honor of bowling day, I’m bringing out an old-school bacon taunt from my THIS IS SPARE-TA!! teammate. Originally, I didn’t want to share this because I’m embarrassed to admit that I wanted to join. I had planned to do so on the sly and, therefore, no one would judge me because no one would know.
Now the bacon’s outta the box. [new phrase > something about a cat and a bag]
I will not be ashamed. And if my budget allows, I’ll soon be a bacon-of-the-month member.
I’m currently looking at both BAC’N and Bacon Freak. They’re both relatively equal in their line of products. There’s the obvious bacon clubs that just serves up the delicious meat. And there’s also an extra-large dose of novelty bacon products.
Interested in some bacon popcorn? Got it. How about a wallet braided out of raw bacon? It’s there too. Or set the mood with some bacon-scented candles?? All your needs are taken care of… and then some.
PHOTOS: banner from baconfreak.com website and a picture of their flavored popcorn.
For three weeks, eight teams have been competing in one-one-one bouts of the most ferocious competition at Mar Vista’s AMF. The Area 15 rookie league has brought out the best and the worst of mankind. Including the liars… those who so obviously are NOT ROOKIES.
This league isn’t for the timid or the weak-hearted. There are 10- 12- 16-pound spheres being chucked at record speed. Blink and you’re dead. Always keep a weather eye. Or if you’re bowling near me, it’s the deceivingly light 8-pounder coming at you.
After two weeks of play, Team 5 came in second place. That’s me! yay!!
[Our official name: This is SPARE-ta!! Our inspiration: 300 get it, get it]
-pause for adulation-
I redeemed myself after that abysmal 38 pins in Game 3 the previous week. I got over my final-game fatigue and posted my highest score to date: 115. My average skyrocketed from a 68 to 75 or 76. I’ll have to double check those stats.
Amazing, but short-lived.
I was back to form this week. But learning some lessons, nonetheless:
1.) Embrace the older bowlers
After the initial week, Tumulty (teammate’s bowling name) and I were paired with another bowler to make a complete three-person team. I initially ho-hummed at the guy because he had spent the first week telling me all the rules of league play. Obviously, I didn’t care. But after I bowled and after Tumulty bowled, I realized that our team’s salvation would rely on him. The older bowlers, the ones who don’t have to order a new bowling shirt and can provide their own ball, bring a level of skill that will obviously benefit a team.
EVIDENCE: Ranked second.
2.) Looking legit doesn’t make you play any better
I already own a pair of bowling shoes and Week 3 was the first time I had my shirt and Tumulty had hers. They’re plain turquoise bowling shirts with our nicknames on them. We look legit-ish. We played terribly. Even the guy who was supposed to be holding up the team wasn’t at peak performance. I didn’t break my 38-pin record, but I came mighty close and was only able to make my target once, in the final frame.
Game 1: 49 Game 2: 53 Game 3: 97
3.) Wishes do come true
Early on in my bowling career, I kept noticing a pattern. The number 1 kept haunting me. It got to be kind of ridiculous. If I didn’t out right throw a gutter ball, I only managed to knock down ONE pin. If I didn’t luck out with a strike, I only left ONE pin.
I decided to call myself The Wonder. Well, actually — The Oneder, straight out of That Thing You Do! That’s the name that’s on my bowling shirt. It was funny.
Only trouble is… it’s now annoyingly accurate. ONEs… everywhere! Damn, self-fulling prophecies!!
PHOTOS: The Oneder’s bowling shirt and shoes.
The bowling competition officially began this week! The cut-throat campaign will be raged Wednesday nights in Mar Vista. Come down, only if you’re not squeamish.
So I’m still unsure how the scoring goes and what the deal is with the average handicap. I’m assuming I just need to worry about improving each week. To be determined.
What I do know and what the photo above proves is that somewhere, deep deep down, lies the capacity and potential to rock the lanes. Full disclosure—the frames above were not from the first game of the season, but rather the warm-up a week earlier.
I was third in the line-up. My bowling game—Cousteau (misspelled above)—is marked with record gutter balls, but also has a total of three strikes, including two back-to-back Xs. If memory proves, I’m pretty sure I came back from behind to win this game. The ultimate sand-bagging ninja!
This is all a long windup/preface because I’m about to share my scores from the first official game on Wednesday. I felt the need to preemptively justify myself.
Game 1… 85
Game 2… 80
Game 3… 38!
38!! I was that abysmal. My bowling endurance can’t yet go the distance. And because Game 3 was a complete failure, now my average hovers around 68. Or maybe it was all part of my low-bowling strategy that will surely pay off in the long run… muahhhahahaahha
For now, there are more pressing issues. Like coming up with a team name, shirts and deciding if I’m ready to make a shoe commitment.
PHOTO: Shot of the scoreboard during a game last week where I bowled back-to-back strikes.