Monthly Archives: June 2013

Chicharito is really a Targaryen

Little Pea Hernandez has the skill to score with most any part of his body. But as this weekend’s contest proved, his new nickname should be Targaryen Hernandez — Targaryen-andez! What???! Shut up! I just crushed it with that!

In the final game of Confederations group stage, Mexico and Japan played for pride. Both went into the third game with zero points and zero chance of advancing. Thanks to great skills and ball movement from the rest of the team (I’m looking at you, Gio!), Chicharito was able to score twice for Mexico. (We’ll just ignore how he failed to convert a penalty and its rebound.) Both those goals were genius headers.

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Chicharito’s head is pure gold. You know who else has a golden head?

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Yep, that jackass. But we all know that he doesn’t make it, and Dani tells us why. Chicharito has survived the molten gold and proved himself a true dragon. Make room. There’s a Targaryen-andez lurking on this world.

For those who want to relive a great Game of Thrones scene from Season 1

PHOTOS: Javier/Chicharito/Targaryen-andez Hernandez scores in Saturday’s 2-1 victory over Japan. And Viserys Targaryen gets crowned.

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DIY nails: Better from afar

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A few days ago, I began my journey into DIY nail art.

It was a mess for sure and I realized that I wasn’t cut out for — well, tape cutouts. This time around, I decided that my next move into DIY nail art would be all free-hand. I paint. I draw. I doodle. I’m surely capable of holding a brush.

It doesn’t look that bad, right? From far away, I’m damn proud of myself. But up close, this is still a crazy mess.

What these photos fail to show is the texture of my manicure. Each finger has SO MANY air bubbles that it seems like I tried to give my nails a grainy texture on purpose. How do people get rid of these blasted things? I rolled my polish instead of shaking it. I used quality OPI products. Is it just because there are so many damn layers on my nails?

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It’s 100% possible for Mexico to beat Brazil today

All they have to do is review their history. The last few match-ups between these two teams have been epic battles. Even before the Olympics, in an international friendly, Mexico put the smack down on this team. People argued it was a fluke until the *unthinkable happened — Mexico beat out Brazil for the gold medal last summer.

When: Today, June 19 at 12 p.m. PDT
Watch: ESPN, ESPN3 stream

And if we need a little inspiration to get behind the team, the player and the Chepo, just take a look at what happens when you leave it all out on the field.

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Olympics Day 15 - Men's Football Final - Brazil v Mexico

PHOTOS: All from 2012 Olympic medal game held at Wembley Stadium last August.

Mexico: Now you rise

We failed. Mexico lost to our red-white-and-green brethren in our opening match of the Confederations Cup. It was what it was. Crap. But, at the same time, this might be a good thing. After an amazing 2012, TRI has disappointed this year. We have not dropped a game of worth this year, but that doesn’t mean the team or the fans have been satisfied. Endless draws (and 0-0, to boot) are exhausting.

This may have been the exact amount of “Mira cabrones” that this team needs. Now, dust off the dirt. Put some bleach on those grass stains. And rise again.

Here’s the Rock sharing the wisdom.

You failed yesterday’s team challenge.
In that failure is when steel is forged.
No one gets better when it’s just winning, winning, winning, winning.
You guys know that.
You gotta fail. You gotta get knocked down on your ass like you did yesterday.
NOW, YOU RISE.

VIDEO: From the new reality show The Hero. Not really sure what that show is about, but can’t knock these wise words.

DIY nails gone bad

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Quite some time ago, I had a disastrous experience with my manicure. I wanted to recreate some fancy runway look and it didn’t come out nearly as fresh and fly as I wanted it to. The lesson I took from that was that any attempts at getting “fancy” with my nails would undergo a trial run by me, at home, for free.

Enter, the color-on-color French.

Well, let’s be honest here first. This isn’t a French manicure. I hate French manicures. I see no purpose in having a naked nail with an exaggerated white tip. It’s foolish that people spend extra money to make their nails look like, well, nails. Use a nude. And don’t get me started on the ridiculousness of it on toes! Gross! Toes are not fingers! Why make them look like they are?

Correction: Enter, the pale green/purple color block.
OPI Gargantuan Green Grape/Rumple’s Wiggin’

For as often as I change the color on my nails, this was actually the first time I experimented with “design.” (I use that in quotes because I’ve seen people paint fucking Monets on their nails.) This seemed simple for me. Use one color. Let dry. Tape off ends. Use second color.

My problems came quickly and often. Color everywhere. Smudges. Tape getting stuck to my nail. Nail color coming off with the tape.

Plus, I do my nails like little kids color — totally outside the lines. Get that color all over the place. Then, clean it up once it’s dry and under water.

Not my finest work. But because I invested a good hour out of my day, I’m sticking to the results. I definitely am not imbued with the patience to do this again.

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Air bubble takeover. Correcting the bald spot left from the tape removal.

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Left hand: Crooked lines, still not cleaned up. I’m left-handed, so this never looks good.

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Right hand: The lines are better, but it still looks crappy.

When life imitates CONCACAF

Art imitates life; life imitates art. Nothing new there.

But my life, yesterday, was imitating CONCACAF. Not just any old aspect of the local soccer confederation, I speak of the World Cup qualifying tournament.

Here’s the group standings going into yesterday’s games.

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As you can plainly see, after winning one game a week ago, Mexico leapfrogged out of the trouble zone. There’s a bit of a clusterfrack going on at the top, but at least it’s at the top. Three teams all have 7 points. Panama is closing in with 6, and Honduras and Jamaica are bringing up the rear.

After the games, the board got shuffled a bit. US beat Panama and set itself as the sole leader of the conference. Honduras picked up a few points by beating Jamaica. And Mexico did what it does — it didn’t lose — to Costa Rica. They tied.

So now this is what the most current standings look like.

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And now, my life (which in this instance will be portrayed by my bowling league).

IMG_2160Competition is tight. There are 10 teams and two are tied with 12 points at the top of the leader board. Yours truly, among them (kinda like Mexico). The next three teams have 11 points. And so on …

Going into Tuesday night’s games, there was a strong sense to not mess up (kinda like Mexico).

But, when all was said and done, 14 Dollar Salad came away splitting the difference. We won two games, lost two. So, we tied (kinda like Mexico).

And because other teams were living up to their respective pressures, we fell in the standings (kinda like Mexico).

Not down and out, by any means, but definitely a little further down than anyone would like to be (kinda like … ).

 

PHOTOS: CONCACAF World Cup Qualifying standings on June 7 and June 11. My bowling standings after Week 5.

Missing 3 more

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The last few World Cup qualifying matches have come at inopportune times for me. So when Friday’s game between Mexico and Panama was scheduled for 7 p.m., I made it a priority to sit down, sit back and enjoy it.

I got my seat at the bar. I got my beer. I even got my game on three different screens. What I didn’t get was my THREE POINTS!!!

Again we tied. How tiresome. And now we’re in a three-way tie with 7 points. Silver lining recognition: At least Mexico has moved out of the danger zone.

Time to ratchet up the pressure.

TRI v Reggae Boyz, Take 2

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After taking a ridiculously long time to allow us to lick our wounds and fret about the possibilities of making World Cup plans without a World Cup presence, CONCACAF qualifications are finally back into full swing tomorrow.

It’s been a boring start to the hexagonal. Mexico, with zero losses and three points, sits in the fifth spot. The top 3 teams get automatic bids and the fourth-place team must play to the death against New Zealand.

The only team worse off than us is Jamaica.

And so the stage is set. The second leg of this match-up will be played in Kingston, where I hope we can neutralize their home-field advantage the way they did ours earlier this year.

In a few hours, there may be calls of Sí se pudo and Presidente Chepo. Or I’ll go dark … again.

BROADCAST INFORMATION

Tuesday, June 4 – 6:30 p.m. PT
Telemundo

Remaining TRI JUNE CONCACAF Qualifiers

Friday, June 7 – 7 p.m. PT
Panama v. Mexico
Panama City

Tuesday, June 11 – 5 p.m. PT
Mexico v. Costa Rica
Estadio Azteca

PHOTO: Chicharito goes up against Jamaican goalkeeper Donovan Ricketts during the first CONCACAF hexagonal in Estadio Azteca in February.