Apparently, I’ve been bowling too much for my own good. I’ve started developing a callus on my middle finger. Super sexy, I know.
To nip it in the bud, I began using a skin protector (courtesy of KC) that has the same effect on my finger as a top coat on a pair of nylons. Grossss
I’m now one of those people — the type who shows up to the alley with her own bag, monogrammed ball, shoes, and now … skin protector. Too bad my game is still mediocre and doesn’t live up to the hype or preparation.
And sometimes, more words are needed!
No manches, güey
No mames, güey
No chingues, güey
En serio, güey?
No friegues, güey
No puede ser, güey
Que pedo, güey
Se la perdio, güey
Güüüüeeeeeeeyyyyyyy
What the frack is wrong with this picture??!!!!?
The top three regional teams automatically qualify for Brazil 2014. The fourth-place team is on the bubble and has to play against another confederation team to secure a spot.
Mexico has had a lackluster start to CONCACAF hexagonal play, which has put it squarely below average in standings. It has a measly 2 points. We need a win and it needs to happen TODAY.
And with all the pressure on them, TRI hosts the US team in Estadio Azteca. Fingers crossed the crowd doesn’t start booing the home team again. Bring your umbrellas. Beer and pee will rain down from 7,900 feet.
The season started out promising. I had a personal-best 154 during the first night. It was followed by a couple more 100+ games. Normally, I’d be relishing in my handiwork. But this was the first night of league — the night that establishes averages and handicaps.
I had just single-handedly screwed my team. That is unsustainable bowling for me. There’s no way I could bowl that well or that consistently over the course of the league.
And I was right. After that initial night, I began my downward slide. My average kept dropping: 125, 120, 116, 110. Some nights, I struggled to hit 90.
I’d been wallowing in a bowling funk and dragging the team down. After five weeks, were were steadfastly in second-to-last place.
But last night, I got the bowling equivalent of Taye Diggs in Jamaica. Well, not quite (not at all, really), but I did get my groove back (and a bonus new high score).
And that’s important because the best part about bowling is the strut back after a strike. Right, Jesus?
PHOTO: My latest scores. Note the NINE strikes and SIX spares – that’s half my game.
I’ve wondered for some time now why there’s such resistance to a full-bodied embrace of soccer/football in the United States. I think I’m finally able to articulate my hypothesis.
Prostitutes.
A number of current events stories in recent weeks/months has led me to the conclusion that America will never be as enthusiastic about soccer; never deify their league-leading players; never bring communities/societies to standstills as the rest of the world does until it has the full support of its sex workers. And since prostitution is illegal in the U.S. (save Nevada), it makes logical sense that soccer enthusiasts will remain pocketed throughout the country.
My proof:
In this light, the Mexican contingent that was sent to the 2011 Copa América was only attempting to maintain positive soccer-prostitute international relations.
Disclaimer: This is neither pro- nor anti- advocacy, just well-observed facts.
PHOTO: Credit REUTERS/Wolfgang Rattay
Yesterday, during the hexagonal kickoff match against Jamaica in Estadio Azteca, Mexico put on such a lackluster show and failed to capitalize on its home-field advantage. You’re playing in the clouds practically (7,900-foot elevation)!! MAKE THEM RUN.
It got so bad that fans started booing our own team and cheering every time Jamaica had the ball. I’m sure the captain didn’t appreciate any of that.
We scraped by with 1 point, by the grace of God. Read: By the blessings of Jesus.
Jose de Jesus Corona was the one person responsible for keeping Mexico, the regional leader, from falling oh-so-hard from grace. Aside from that spectacular diving save, Chuy had a few more moments where he punched out incoming shots and smothered balls during one-on-one breakaways.
Good stats, of course, for any goalie. But not when that goalie represents a team that has been on the rise. Get your shit together, guerreros. This isn’t a game anymore. It’s a fight to the World Cup.
PHOTO: Mexico captain Francisco ‘MAZA’ Rodriguez flipped off camera while Corona gives interview. Irony, here, is that Corona is the loose cannon you should watch out for off-field antics.
Today is the official start to the CONCACAF Hexagonal — the Road to Brazil 2014. The six regional teams are all facing each other over the course of the year in their qualifying run toward the World Cup.
Honduras – United States
Panama – Costa Rica
Mexico – Jamaica
Unless you’ve been following every single move the Mexican teams have been making these last few months, today’s game will offer some familiar and newbie faces. Well-known players include CHICHARITO, Giovani DOS SANTOS, Andrés GUARDADO, Maza RODRIGUEZ, Aldo DE NIGRIS, and Carlos SALCIDO. Of course, my boy Chuy CORONA will also be keeping riff raff out of Azteca’s nets.
But the squad that’s playing Jamaica also includes a ton of young blood that has been called up to the main team. There are handful of U23 players who debuted during 2011 Copa America (and some who were suspended during the prostitution robbery mess). Plus, some members were part of the winning squad during the 2011 Pan American Games, and 2012 Toulon Tournament. And, by my count, there are nine Olympic gold medalists. I’m surprised they found room on this roster for Chicharito. What am I saying? There’s always room for Chicharito.
So here are my trading cards for four players. A few I know you’ve seen before and will likely see play today. Some may be brand new information. I’d do more, but who has that kind of time. Perhaps over the course of the games …
♦♦♦
Age: 22
Plays for Villareal CF, Spain’s Segunda Division
Mexico: 2012 London Olympics, 2011 Pan American Games, 2011 Copa America
♦♦♦
Age: 23
Plays for CF Monterrey, Liga MX
Mexico: 2012 London Olympics, 2011 Pan American Games, 2011 Copa America
♦♦♦
Age: 23
Plays for Guadalajara, Liga MX
Mexico: 2012 London Olympics, 2012 Toulon Tournament, 2011 Copa America*
♦♦♦
Age: 31
Plays for Tijuana Xoloitzcuincles de Caliente, Liga MX, Apertura champions
Mexico: Played 45 minutes during Jan. 30 friendly against Denmark
I just want to give a huge shout-out to my TRI-ista-in-arms and occasional running buddy, who celebrates a birthday today. And she timed it well — right before the start of the CONCACAF hexagonal stage. There’ll hopefully be much to celebrate today and in the coming months on the road toward Brazil 2014.
Just 493 days left!!
Los pajarillos cantan qué?
Last week, California Gov. Jerry Brown gave the State of the State address. He’s been known to be cerebral, philosophical and funny (septuagenarian humor). His speech made allusions to biblical stories, philosophers of yore and even the Little Engine that Could.
It is in this same vein, that I borrow from Jerry Brown, who borrowed from Genesis:
Pharaoh once dreamed a dream of seven glorious, fat-bottomed cows that walked out of the Nile. They were followed by seven sickly, bony cows. Then, the latter ate the former. Joseph interpreted the dream to mean that seven years of plenty would be followed by seven of famine.
And that, in a nutshell, is how I feel about soccer.
Didn’t see that coming, did you? Did you???
Actually, my feelings are flipped. I feel like I went through a severe drought of games. And, now I’m drowning in television recordings and internet streaming.
Case in point, tomorrow my beloved TRI returns to play Denmark in the evening. But earlier in the day, I’ll be working whilst watching the Real Madrid – Barcelona clásico online.
My seven fat cow days/months are upon us. That means more to watch and definitely more to write home to mom about. Be back soon!
For your information:
Real Madrid v. Barcelona 12 p.m. PST, Bernabeu
Mexico v. Denmark 7 p.m. PST, Arizona (ESPN, UNIVISION)
I think it’s about time I pull out the Roger Murtaugh card.
That seems superfluous, right? Regardless of age, people shouldn’t run 13.1 miles without proper training.
Well, it doesn’t go without saying in my universe. Until very recently I didn’t pay too much mind to this so-called concept of doing mini-runs to build stamina and endurance come race day. Explosive performance. Who needs it? Personal best. A tad needy, no? Quick recovery. Why hide the war wounds?
With a complete straight face, I say that my lack of training stems from my belief in being super awesome. I’ve written before how running marathons and logging those miles warps your sense of judgement for other races. I’m stuck in a marathon frame-of-mind … despite having dealt with injuries.
To kick off 2013, I signed up for the Los Angeles New Year’s Race, a nighttime venture that took you through downtown, Elysian Park, Chinatown and ended near LA Live.
I trained for a whopping ONE WEEK. I showed up at the start line cold, out of practice and taped up.
Result? Pain. Stiffness. Tons of walking. And a crude reality check.
PHOTO: Race promo running past The Times building. From www.newyearsrace.com
